Sunday, February 19, 2012
Still Waiting......
I'm still waiting for something to happen. My lawyer and I filled out the form for child custody and visitation and sent it to be approved and signed by the STBE (soon to be ex). Just a couple of days ago my lawyer sent a request for information and documents that she has been waiting for. It seems that the STBE really wants to draw this out.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Process
It's amazing how slow this process really goes. Maybe when it's all finished I'll be amazed at how fast it went, who knows?
There were a bunch of forms that I had to disclose a ton of personal, financial and other information on. Fitting that it's called Disclosure. I filled them out and gave them to my lawyer within a few days of receiving them. Then I had to make an appointment to see her to go over them and we've finished all that. Unfortunately, the other party has been dragging his feet and we had to make a decision to push it or not. I originally told her that I was patient and wouldn't push but I've changed my mind and called her office and told them "let's get this moving along". Hopefully I'll speak to her in the next few days. So that's where that stands.
I still haven't spoken to my ex at all but have exchanged a few emails about the children and visitation. All very civil. I did hear from a family member of his that he is "a mess" and that's too bad. Luckily, I'm feeling strong, keeping busy, learning new things and making a good, new life for my sons and I. It's important that they see an adult dealing with change well instead of disintegrating.
There were a bunch of forms that I had to disclose a ton of personal, financial and other information on. Fitting that it's called Disclosure. I filled them out and gave them to my lawyer within a few days of receiving them. Then I had to make an appointment to see her to go over them and we've finished all that. Unfortunately, the other party has been dragging his feet and we had to make a decision to push it or not. I originally told her that I was patient and wouldn't push but I've changed my mind and called her office and told them "let's get this moving along". Hopefully I'll speak to her in the next few days. So that's where that stands.
I still haven't spoken to my ex at all but have exchanged a few emails about the children and visitation. All very civil. I did hear from a family member of his that he is "a mess" and that's too bad. Luckily, I'm feeling strong, keeping busy, learning new things and making a good, new life for my sons and I. It's important that they see an adult dealing with change well instead of disintegrating.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Things I Notice
Lately I've been noticing how men treat their wives and girlfriends as if they are naughty, stupid children. If a man's spouse or significant female other disagrees with him or has an idea that he doesn't like he talks to her as if she can't possibly understand what he's trying to say. He talks slowly, loudly and enunciates his words sometimes drawing out the syllables. When I was with my husband for almost 20 years I was also treated this way sometimes in front of my children or other people. It was humiliating and embarrassing and I don't know why I put up with it for so long. At some point I began to really resent it and would yell back or talk the same way back to him.
I have a friend who has to ask permission from her husband before she can plan anything. I'm finding out that his answer is almost always "no" at first and then he softens over time and will allow her to go shopping or have a friend over for dinner but on his time and not hers. Her life is not her own and she is not allowed to make any decisions. When he says no and then turns around to "give" her a little piece of what she wanted it makes it seem like he's just a prince who selflessly GAVE her something or LET HER do something. It makes me feel sorry for her and angry at her at the same time.
I don't think I will ever have a relationship with a man again. Nothing about them is attractive to me anymore. I don't want or need a man's opinions of myself or anything else in my life. I may change my mind at some point but it's something I just can't see myself doing again.
I have a friend who has to ask permission from her husband before she can plan anything. I'm finding out that his answer is almost always "no" at first and then he softens over time and will allow her to go shopping or have a friend over for dinner but on his time and not hers. Her life is not her own and she is not allowed to make any decisions. When he says no and then turns around to "give" her a little piece of what she wanted it makes it seem like he's just a prince who selflessly GAVE her something or LET HER do something. It makes me feel sorry for her and angry at her at the same time.
I don't think I will ever have a relationship with a man again. Nothing about them is attractive to me anymore. I don't want or need a man's opinions of myself or anything else in my life. I may change my mind at some point but it's something I just can't see myself doing again.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Happenings
Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote here. I found an apartment and moved out with my children. I took a lot of furniture from the old house but my home now still feels empty of material things. Some days I just want to shop and fill it all up but for some reason I can't. I don't think this is going to be a resting place for long and my mind knows that. The love and free-ness is wonderful, though. I have one son living with me now and the other one comes home from being incarcerated next month. I hope he feels the HOPE in our new home. I do know he's very excited to come home to a new environment.
My divorce is happening as I write. The first hurdle, spousal support, is behind me and my lawyer is a wonderful, strong woman who knows what I need and speaks and acts for me as I would do for myself if I had the guts. I am so lucky to have found her and when this is all over with I'll let her know how much her service has meant to me. I know she makes an awful lot of money but really, she has gone above and beyond already in this short time. She does not call me with every little thing but acts in my best interests which is wonderful because sometime I don't even do that for myself. Never underestimate a woman. Seriously. Lethal.
Many friends whom I have not seen or heard from in a very long time have come forward to lend support, let me know I'm doing the right thing (and most think I should have done it a long time ago) and make sure I'm not stewing in depression or left alone too long. I appreciate all of these friends and it shows me that I have had very good taste in choosing the few good friends I've had all of these years.
Family have also rallied. Not one family member was surprised but all were relieved and happy about my decision and are happy that my life is about to begin, finally.
I have enrolled in college and had a very high score on an admissions test. I was paraded around the campus feeling wonderful and smart! They even tried to get me to enroll in a more intensive program but it wouldn't fit in with my goals. Financials went through without a hitch. It seems that newly separated homemakers are given priority status for a student loan. I've always wanted to go to college and at 48 years old I start next month. How exciting is that??!!
Everything seems golden right now and coated with a thick layer of sparkly, crystalized sugar. All I can think about is wiping this smug smile off my face because it'll all come crashing down on me soon enough. Right?
My divorce is happening as I write. The first hurdle, spousal support, is behind me and my lawyer is a wonderful, strong woman who knows what I need and speaks and acts for me as I would do for myself if I had the guts. I am so lucky to have found her and when this is all over with I'll let her know how much her service has meant to me. I know she makes an awful lot of money but really, she has gone above and beyond already in this short time. She does not call me with every little thing but acts in my best interests which is wonderful because sometime I don't even do that for myself. Never underestimate a woman. Seriously. Lethal.
Many friends whom I have not seen or heard from in a very long time have come forward to lend support, let me know I'm doing the right thing (and most think I should have done it a long time ago) and make sure I'm not stewing in depression or left alone too long. I appreciate all of these friends and it shows me that I have had very good taste in choosing the few good friends I've had all of these years.
Family have also rallied. Not one family member was surprised but all were relieved and happy about my decision and are happy that my life is about to begin, finally.
I have enrolled in college and had a very high score on an admissions test. I was paraded around the campus feeling wonderful and smart! They even tried to get me to enroll in a more intensive program but it wouldn't fit in with my goals. Financials went through without a hitch. It seems that newly separated homemakers are given priority status for a student loan. I've always wanted to go to college and at 48 years old I start next month. How exciting is that??!!
Everything seems golden right now and coated with a thick layer of sparkly, crystalized sugar. All I can think about is wiping this smug smile off my face because it'll all come crashing down on me soon enough. Right?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The Process
The entire process for my divorce is in kind of a stand still. I met with my lawyer and she asked me for lots of copies of financial stuff. I dropped that off with her assistant and then met with her again to sign the papers. Now the papers are sent to the court and a date is set and my husband will get served with the divorce papers. He then has 20 days to get a lawyer or not, whatever he decides. That's all I know right now.
My husband seems really pissed off that I got a lawyer instead of mediation. I think he had a plan all ready to overpower me and give me just enough to placate me but not half. I smell scheming going on.
On my end, I've found a place to live and am just waiting for my application to be approved and to go and get the keys. If I get this place I'll move in next week.
My husband seems really pissed off that I got a lawyer instead of mediation. I think he had a plan all ready to overpower me and give me just enough to placate me but not half. I smell scheming going on.
On my end, I've found a place to live and am just waiting for my application to be approved and to go and get the keys. If I get this place I'll move in next week.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Harder Than I Thought
All of this is much harder than I thought in every possible way. How do I explain to my 13 year old boy that I am divorcing his father and moving him and I to a new house? How do I know how much the judge will award me for child support and spousal maintenance so I can rent a house and move out? How do I know if my plans for a future career will work out and even if I'll like the career that I choose to pursue? How will I support myself and my children after a lifetime of being supported?
Right now I just know that I'm doing the right thing by leaving this marriage and man. The rest will have to wait.
Right now I just know that I'm doing the right thing by leaving this marriage and man. The rest will have to wait.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
A Lot of Stuff
In twenty years a couple with two kids can accumulate a lot of stuff. It's mind boggling to look around our house and see all of it. Wondering what to do with it all. Will I be allowed to take some of it? Will I have to buy all new stuff and where does that money come from? It's all just so complicated and confusing right now.
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